Fight with the Monkey
“as told to me many times by Mallin Sensei”


Those of you that have had the privilege of knowing NCMA member Mallin Sensei for some time know of his love for telling stories with good humor. He is a Master at storytelling as well as karate. The following story is true and is one of the funniest stories that I have ever heard. I am sure that you will enjoy! This could very well be the first UFC cage fight!

Mallin Sensei grew up in a quaint town near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Standing 6’ 5” and topping the scales at 280 plus pounds, his towering stature automatically qualified him as a standout athlete in 1952 at the age of 18. One day as he was walking home from school he noticed a small sign advertising that the local carnival was coming to town. Being well known for his athletic ability and pure roughness, the carnival promoter had asked around town for the toughest man in the area. Mallin Sensei’s’ name continually came up. Needless to say the promoter found a picture and placed it on his carnival poster advertising the big fight that was to come – “Big Bob Mallin Fights the Monkey”, this Saturday night – don’t miss it. Also, needless to say, this was the first knowledge that Mallin Sensei had about any fight with a monkey! What was he to do, “not show up and be ridiculed by his buddies or fight”? Needless to say again, he chose to fight! Being the “big man on campus” he had no choice! Being the competitor that he is he makes his way to the carnival the Friday night before his big fight, looking for ways to beat the monkey! He is concerned! He receives some comfort when he sees that the monkey is muzzled so that he cannot bite and fitted with gloves to restrict his grip. He is comforted more when he understands that he only has to stay in the cage with him for five minutes. The carnival guy then sits the 80 pound monkey upon a box so that he is eye level with his competitor. He goes through his pre-fight introduction of the competitor and monkey and then tells the competitor and monkey to shake hands. Once the man would stick out his right hand to shake, the monkey would grab the man and proceed to beat the living daylights out of him! This happens time and time again! As he watches man after man face off with the monkey he recognizes an immediate fault with the monkey’s “technique”. Mallin Sensei leaves the carnival that night confident in his ability to defeat the monkey which, by the way, has never been accomplished! Saturday night comes around and like clockwork Mallin Sensei steps into the cage with his small, yet larger than life, opponent! The promoter makes all of the necessary introductions and tells Mallin Sensei and the monkey to shake hands. Mallin Sensei sticks out his right hand retrieving it before the monkey has a chance to take hold and immediately hits him with a left hook sending the monkey flying across the cage! (The monkey had assumed that Mallin Sensei was right handed like all of his other opponents, but Mallin Sensei is left handed!!!) Knowing that he had gotten in a good punch he was confident that he would be able to finish off the monkey with no problem. What he didn’t know was that he had only made the monkey mad!!! The monkey is furious and Mallin Sensei fights with all his might to keep the little monkey from killing him. Mallin Sensei is tossed around like a rag doll while the monkey proceeds to attempt to take the life out of “Big Bob Mallin”! He manages to survive the five minutes with the monkey – the first man to ever do so. The promoter takes control of his little fellow and congratulates Mallin Sensei on his fete. He also announces to the audience, “come back tomorrow night and watch “Big Bob Mallin” fight the monkey again”! Mallin Sensei proceeds to tell the promoter where he can stick his microphone and his monkey and then tells the crowd that the monkey might show up but that he would not be there! He had learned his lesson about monkeys the hard way! It would be his first and last monkey fight! He will tell you to this day though that if the monkey had not had on a muzzle that he would have eaten him alive! Mallin Sensei says that he has never seen anybody or anything as mad as that monkey was after he hit him!!

(Unfortunately Sensei Mallin is very sick with Alzheimer’s and sits in a nursing home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He remembers basically nothing now and has dwindled to 145 pounds. This was one of his favorite stories to tell. Although I cannot do it justice in telling the story on paper, I have been in many situations when this story was told with the one hearing the story rolling on the floor with laughter!)